The cycles of life.

In all my previous posts I’ve spoken about my spiritual awakenness and how I relate it to my life. What I haven’t spoken about is what I’ve been through that led me to see the optimistic side of things. Even though I’m becoming more spiritually aware and feeling, seeing beautiful things. I’ve had some tough times. The flip side. I’ve been through a lot these past few years. In life, there’s always ups and downs, but you have to go with the flow even if it isn’t easy. That’s the only way you will get through this lifetime.

My last couple of years have realistically been hard. I have forced myself to think of the positive things and the future. I’m still not where I want to be, but I’m on my way. Even though I’m more spiritual, I still go through hardship.

When I moved to Connecticut, I was offered this awesome job. I was in the fashion industry, in the watch business with great incentives, like traveling internationally and modeling the watches as my accessories. I had great friends, who I still miss to this day. I met my baby’s daddy who is the greatest guy I’ve ever met. Everything seemed to be going smoothly and perfectly.

Then, within the next year, I guess God had other plans for me. The universe steers you in the direction of what your ultimate dreams are, and you’re just along for the ride. All at once, within a few short months, my boyfriend’s mom got terminal brain cancer, I got pregnant, my boyfriend and I signed for an apartment together, and my job fired me after I told them I was pregnant, anddd my boyfriend had just quit his job before taking a trip to visit his mom and going to Thailand. WHAT WAS HAPPENING?!

FIRED. I didn’t even get a warning, or a 2 month notice like a valued employee would get. All I got was “you’ll be fine”, three weeks after I told them I was pregnant. Are you kidding? I’ve never been fired in my life, and I’ve never been pregnant in my life. I’m not going to be “fine”!

This was total shock for me, and it was a challenge from the universe I wasn’t expecting. My only option was take charge to get myself in a good place because at this point it was not going to be easy. We had a $1,800 rent bill, a BABY on the way, no jobs, and emotional stress. I had to deal with this all while pregnant. Any mother knows that your emotional levels are all over the place, and to add all of that on top of it. WTF. Not to mention, Thomas and I were not used to living together. It was hard. Really hard.

We spent most of our time looking for jobs, which was really difficult. Who hires a pregnant woman?! “Oh hi, I’d love to work for company, but just so you know I’m pregnant and need to take my maternity leave in a few months. Hope that’s all good.” Yeah right, they’ll hire the single woman because she will be “more invested”. They might not say it, but they’re thinking it. My unemployment benefits just got me by. If we didn’t have help from our families, we would have been screwed. We had no other place to go and we had a year lease.

I tried to find other ways to make money. I made candles, I went to craft fairs, and sold things on ebay. Anything I could to make extra cash, which definitely wasn’t a lot. Thomas decided to go to school full-time and get his CDL license, which made it difficult to be at home by myself all day until I was ready to give birth. It wasn’t until Jade was born that he was able to get a job. And we finally thought we would be able to be ok.

But then, a couple months later my unemployment benefits stopped, after already losing them for maternity when Jade was born. We could not pay rent. I wasn’t able to find a job that paid enough for daycare and rent. Now what?! Thomas had to support me and Jade on his own. It took a lot of decision making, but luckily my dad was able to kindly evict their tenant and allow us to move in. That was a tough decision, as well, because they loved their tenant and they’re losing a lot of income while we live here. We had no intention to leave Connecticut. Thomas’s family was there and now he was leaving them to be with me.

It’s a one bedroom, which makes it difficult and not the ideal situation with Jade. I am grateful we have somewhere great to live, with more help than in Connecticut. I am still struggling to find a job, as much as I apply. Thomas has the stress of supporting Jade and I for almost a year now. This was not our plan, but we are here. This is our present lives, with no other options. I decided to take classes for my real estate license, to take a different path the Universe has been urging me to do.

While I’m going through all this, the Universe has led me to more uplifting things on my journey. I’m getting a lot stronger than I was. Intuitively, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I still experience stress on a daily basis, but I use meditation to calm my mind, and to help get me where I want to be. I decided I’m going to start offering spiritual counseling to people who are going through tough times and need some guidance on how to take the positive, more spiritual way than getting anxious and caught up in everything. I also have a holistic business on the verge, as well. I’m not quite there, but I’m so close I can almost see the light.

It’s all about gratitude, gratitude, gratitude. I send healing love and light to everyone, <3